The HECK is this noise?

[Garemie]

seal bad
seal pit rim damaged by wrong pry out method, now leaks there , pump seal pit rim damaged.
or pump gasket leaks,
or top front pan leaks.
unless its the cam seal leaking down there, fooling everyone as it can so easy

one way to find it is run engine with cover off, belt.
see what it really is, even use the oil dye kit and lamp to find it.
leaks are not easy to find here ,all covered up with that plastic cover.

good luck !!!

Replaced the crank seal as per your instructions.

Oil no longer dripping 1 drop per second. I've only had it idling in the driveway so far but it idled for 15 minutes with no visible leaks.